Thursday, April 29, 2010 5:24 pm

grin

listen, ♥You make me smile even when my day seems so bleak and dead.

MARTHA!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010 12:38 am

finally

Tuesday, April 27, 2010 10:07 pm

life

8:19 pm

pixpw

6:22 pm

/:

Sunday, April 25, 2010 10:57 am

whatever

listen, ♥Trust me when I say, I don't wanna live anymore.
Trust me when I say, I'd rather die then do what I'm doing now.
Trust me when I say, fuck this sickening life of mine.

What's mine with eventually go to others, isn't it?
My possessions eventually goes to other, am I not right?

MARTHA!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010 8:18 pm

bleah

4:40 pm

lucky

Tuesday, April 20, 2010 10:18 pm

eyeliner

listen, ♥When eyeliners don't work, roll over and laugh.

8:49 pm

somehow

Friday, April 16, 2010 8:07 pm

Yay

listen, ♥Yay! I just slayed carbohydrates! I will work hard!

Xoxo,
MARTHA!

Thursday, April 15, 2010 5:50 pm

angry

listen, ♥I don't know what is going on with my life at all. One moment everything seems fine and the next, everything changed. What is wrong with humans and why are they so unpredictable? That I cannot understand and i doubt that I'll ever live to know it.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010 7:05 pm

tanglin

listen, ♥
You don't understand at all.

I miss those days in Tanglin when I don't have to fret about anything cause I know someone would always be there to give me that extra push when I'm in need of it.

I miss Mr Tham screaming at me to grab my Additional Mathematics book to ask him questions when I don't understand.

I miss Mr Wan asking me what happened to my Mathematics cause it wasn't so bad when he taught me.

I miss Mr Loke, the small boy, telling me that Additional Mathematics isn't difficult as long as I understood what was happening.

I miss Mrs Zamree asking me why my grades deproves if she see a slight drop in my results.

I miss Mrs Jacob's interesting Biology lessons and her screaming at us, calling us FOOLS.

I miss Sister Agatha cause she spoilt me rotten by showering me with endless love.

I miss Mr Goh saying "Good Morning Class" in his own special way and teaching me how to memorise my Physics formula.

I miss Mr Tan Engwee giving me extra lessons, just so that I would pass my Mathematics.

I miss Mr Tan Puayeng emphasizing that Ivy is a Pig. P=IV.

I miss having combine Literature lessons where the whole 5N would stop at nothing to annoy our teachers.

I miss combined English lessons although it was never productive.

I miss Ms Chu telling us how lousy we are at Biology.

I miss Ms Lai screaming and shouting at the boys and the way she runs after them in her heels, to smack them on their butts or to pull their ears.

I miss Mdm Yangyan coming into Chinese class demanding that her students return to the right class.

There's so many things I miss about Tanglin. The friends, the cleaners, the teachers, the canteen vendors and the food! So much memories are left behind.

I wish times didn't change and that we never needed to move on. But time and tide waits for no man. I should not waste my time and life away, awaiting the day that things would be the way it was before.

The truth hurts and what remains are precious memories that would be kept close to my heart.

Tanglin no longer seems to be where I belong. I miss you and all the joy you've brought into my life!

Just let me continue with my pretence.

MARTHA!

7:03 pm

love

listen, ♥Love,

I don't knowwhat happened but I really hope that you're feeling better because no one is worth your tears. I love you and you know that well enough.

xoxo,
MARTHA!

6:51 pm

life

Monday, April 12, 2010 11:36 pm

finally

10:10 pm

bestie

9:09 pm

/:

8:13 pm

crap

12:22 am

finally

listen, ♥
Good things always come to an end.

I'M FINALLY DONE WITH THE FREAKING LITERATURE PROJECT!

I'm tired, GOODNIGHT!

Thinking of dropping out of school.

MARTHA!

Sunday, April 11, 2010 1:13 pm

):

11:24 am

hate

Friday, April 09, 2010 10:22 pm

fuck

listen, ♥
Just keep trying.

I hate it when I constantly have to lie to myself.
I hate how much work I had on hand and yet am not doing it.
I hate the way I'm living my life reluctantly and without a smile.
I hate the way people treat me as though I'm transparent cause I'm not.
I hate everything that has to do with life, I want to die.
I know life has its ups and downs, but it's stupid how I only face the downs but not the ups.

Sometimes, I cannot understand why everyone has to complain and bitch about every single thing in life. I know I'm not an exception. I whine and I complain and I bitch like there's no tomorrow. But there should be a stop, even if it's just for a bit right? Come on, complaining your whole life wouldn't make any difference. Get it?

At times I wonder if I'm living life realistically or am I just being stupid and lying to myself constantly. I wish I was a better person, a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better daughter and a better granddaughter.

It's not easy to be nice and good all the time. It's not easy for me to try to bounce back time after time after a fall that has stretched me.

So much fucking thing is happening in my life, I feel tortured and I feel daunted to even think or feel anything. I'm numb, I'm insecure, I'm unprepared for any of life's challenges.

I feel fucked up. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! Fuck everything!

I can never make it alone.

MARTHA!

9:39 pm

shutup

8:59 pm

1112

8:57 pm

):

4:39 pm

thosetimesspenttogethercanneverbereplaced

listen, ♥
The pieces of my heart are missing you.

I think I'm so adjusted to waking up early that I woke up at 8am without hesitation, gosh I'm so tired and I've been busy the whole day. Dealing with my knee and having to do household chores SUCKS! D:

So I skipped school today to stay home to take care of Nanny. I brought her to the chinese sinseh and he said that it might be a hairline crack, so he didn't do the acupuncture which I thought he was going to give her initially. Now, she has to take some disgusting medicine and we're both going to faint and die later when she has to take it again. Eeeeeks, chinese medicine stinks to the skies. /:

I think Mr Teo is the funniest teacher in MI and he'll be the only teacher who will reply my text saying "Ok, why ah?" Rofl, I wanted to roll on the bed and bang my head on the wall when I saw that. (Okay, wtf. So drama.)

You know I use to love running so much until shit happened which made me feel that running isn't my life at all. I'm just using running as an excuse to suppress myself. /: Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually human. /:

Witch came up and barked at me yesterday after morning assembly, complaining my skirt's short from the back. Wtf, PERVERT! Do you have freaking nothing better to do? Check out everyone's skirt, it's almost the same. That totally ruined my whole day and she inisisted on seeing me today because she wants me to unpick my skirt. Get a freaking life, do you think I have all the time in the freaking world to do so? If you have nothing better to do, just get out of everyone's life cause you're such a nag and so bothersome! Go talk to the wall or something, stop getting on my nerves. Please learn how to make up instead of walking about school with your freaking sagging face and annoy the crap out of people. Blue eye shadow on an old woman, especially someone like you, doesn't fit the definition of pretty please.

Yesterday I went for tuition and we had to do essay. Wtf, Serangoon's essays are like crazy shit. Seriously was lost and when I decided to pick this particular essay question on being successful in life, I realised it was idea base and I have no time to redo another essay cause we were only given 40 minutes to complete 7 paragraphs. So I handed up my work and damn, I think I'm going to flunk this so badly, its totally different from the poverty essay. Ah, shucks. I wanted to improve so badly and now, I've fallen all over again. Just great isn't it? /:

Oh, some guy which looks like YOU came and I was like -.- haha, cause I never expect to see him when my tutor is around. Too bad he's fitter and slightly more handsome then YOU. Be jealous. :P Be more confident and stop making yourself feel inferior as compared to the others.

I've yet to do any homework that is being set. /: I haven't done anything at all. I don't know how I am suppose to do SEA History SBQ because I don't have the basics and I might start crapping everything out by today or something. I have so much to so! ):

I have Literature Paper 1 Project to do and an upcoming Paper 5 one to do. /: I have to redo my PI because it sucks. There's Economics Project that is to be done although the deadline is no where near. Ah fuck, with so much to do, I can forget that I have a freaking life and I should talk to the tidbits that I have to buy everyday so that I'll concentrate. I have to do my Biology assignment on Stem Cells and I have a test on Photosynthesis on Monday which is like wtf. *points middle fingers* I haven't done my IRP for 2 weeks and thankfully we don't have to this week and next. (: I have so much essays to write for tuition which is due NEXT WEEK. -.-

I have a church wedding to attend tomorrow. That means even less time on hand! D:

Someone please kill me. /: I need to get down to business soon. /: So not motivated at all. This totally sucks. Okay, BYE!

Voda, I miss you truck loads. I promise to find time to meet up with you! I love you tons and gallons and like no body's business. :P
Bestie, I'm sorry I keep turning down your request to go out. I really am in need of time. ): I love you no matter what and I'll keep rocking! (;
BestFriend, if only you'll come back to take away all the pain and shit I'm going through. I miss you so much I can die right now. Never forget that I always love you, no matter where you are.

So much for my happy ending.

MARTHA!

12:51 pm

perhaps

Thursday, April 08, 2010 6:54 pm

FUCK

Monday, April 05, 2010 8:27 pm

Hurt

listen, ♥It's sad and it hurts how I have to face death all alone time after time. It's depressing to somehow know that no one shares my agony except myself. Sometimes I wonder, but does it really matter? Would anything make a difference? I find myself numbing myself with anything I can time after time. Somehow, I don't think it's fair. Give me a break, please!

Martha!

Sunday, April 04, 2010 10:38 pm

bitch

listen, ♥
Whatever it takes.

SOMETIMES, I THINK YOU'RE SO BITCHY AND THINK TOO HIGHLY OF YOURSELF THAT I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING IN YOUR FACE.

But the fact is, I cannot afford to lose you. AT ALL.

When things no longer make sense.

MARTHA!

9:38 pm

tortured

listen, ♥
Take the chance.

EXCUSE ME, please be nice to me because YOU are asking ME for a favour, don't freaking make it seem as though I owe you a bloody assholic living okay? -.-

There's some problem with my freaking eyes. D: It's swollen and puffy. This freaking sucks like nuts. -.-

My neighbour just passed away. )': I'll miss him and his GOOD MORNINGS!

Okie dokie, need to complete my freaking PI which I have been working on for I don't know how many donkey hours. -.-

I don't like the freaking Taiwan drama. -.- I hate the stupid girl acting in it. Nevermind, I hardly ever watch the show anyway. :P

Okay, BYE!

It's times like this I forget what I miss.

MARTHA!

6:06 pm

easter

Saturday, April 03, 2010 8:27 pm

stupid

8:21 pm

chinese

2:10 pm

fuckingmoron

2:07 pm

headache

Friday, April 02, 2010 6:12 pm

thunder

Thursday, April 01, 2010 10:44 pm

charity

listen, ♥
I'm taking you to place I didnt want to go.

Today, I learnt how to not take things for granted.
Today, I learnt that things in life are difficult to attain.
Today, I learnt that I am very fortunate unlike others.
Today, I learnt that being appreciated by someone feels awesome.
Today, I learnt that I can make a difference in someone's life through small acts of kindness.

So today was CIP day and I swear I dreaded everything initially. But the little little effort that we all put in as a group to get things done, melted my heart eventually. I've never cleaned any toilets in my life, it's like I don't even do the housework and I actually brought myself to clean up a cockroach infested toilet. I obviously screamed when they started crawling and moving, I mean I wasnt exposed to this kind of things my whole life.

What moved me most was the owner's appreciation for us. Although she was such a broken recorder. -.- I felt very touched when she thanked us continuously realising how useless her daughter is when it comes to cleaning up the house.

I know they are not exactly poor (they have crocs shoes, LV handbag and SCV) but our little contributions did make a difference in their lives. After all, its the effort that went into cleaning the house that really mattered. (: I cursed and swear like an asshole because I didnt feel that there was a need to do such stuff. But thinking back, maybe it's all worth it.

For the time and effort we spent there, we are recognised and appreciated. Thats what really mattered to me. The gratitute instead of complains that we received eventually. (:

I hit my hand hard on the lighting switches and it's forming into a blueblack. ): I screamed like a moron cause of the cockroaches and I jumped onto the toilet bowl. (thank god there's Louis!) My knee hurts for god knows what reason and I have monsterous bites on my leg which sucks. ):

I feel happy today. I did something small to make someone's life a little better then usual. Now, the house smells nicer then it was before. The musky smell no long exist for now, I hope it'll never come back though.

Okay, it's time to sleep. Tomorrow is Good Friday and Snoopy is barking. D: Goodnight and goodbye! (:

Balqis and Fazila, thank you for motivating me to press on when I'm about to give up. I love you girls!

Make me a channel of your peace.

MARTHA!